INTERGALACTIC NAUGHTINESS

david
Hopefully if the day comes where another species colonizes us and makes us their slaves, they'll have micropenises, because if they're remotely as big as the following ones, we're not going to have a good time like these women do.

➡️ Let's do real, be real with Tantaly, the sex doll torso leader

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I'm ready for a new week of ALRNCN. Are you ready?

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THE MIRROR IS A DAMN LIAR

luzos, oscar, walter, david
The classic Snow White tale revolves around a magic mirror that always tells the truth about who's the fairest of them all. But now, with the new version starring Rachel Zegler as Snow White and Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen, everything goes straight to hell. Why? Because the mirror dares to claim Rachel is hotter than Gal—which literally no one believes. If there's one thing all guys worldwide agree on, it's that Gal Gadot is easily a thousand times sexier than Rachel Zegler.



So, how the hell does this happen? Here’s where the supposed philosophical symbolism kicks in: the mirror doesn't just measure physical beauty; it also values purity, goodness, and inner beauty. According to that logic, Rachel comes out ahead because she's supposedly got something Gal Gadot lacks in the film: a nobler, less envy-corrupted soul.

Bullshit! If Rachel Zegler has proven anything in recent months, it’s precisely how toxic, arrogant, and poisoned by cheap feminism her soul really is—oozing pretentiousness and superiority from every pore of her body.

The ideological trainwreck Disney has become in recent years finally hit rock bottom by casting someone like her to reboot one of the iconic stories from our childhood.

Therefore, I'm officially revoking all magical powers from that mirror, demoting it on behalf of the patriarchy, and hereby relegating its sole purpose to reflecting and holding suction cups.



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¡Que te jodan, Mickey Mouse!

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FROM LEATHER TO SOLID GOLD: THE STORY OF THE OLISBO

javi, smm, walter, david
Long before sex toys looked anything like what we know today, women in Ancient Greece already knew how to handle things on their own. Olisbos—phallus-shaped objects made of leather, wood, ceramic, or even bread—were loyal companions when husbands went off to war. Far from being taboo, these early dildos were part of everyday life in cultures like the Greek, Roman, Egyptian, and even Chinese, often paired with simple (and effective) lubricants like olive oil.

Throughout history, the olisbo didn’t just stick around—it evolved. It showed up in plays, scandalous poems, erotic Japanese novels, and even in the private collections of European royalty. From the sex strike in Lysistrata to tortoiseshell dildos in Japan and Queen Isabella’s legendary solid gold toy, it's clear that female pleasure has always sparked creativity.

Funny how many people still think female sexual desire is some modern revelation, thanks to feminism and sexual liberation. The truth is, women have always enjoyed sex—and there were times, like in classical Greece, when they were even more sexually free than today. It’s just that, like so many things, it got buried. But history? If you dig a little, it always has something juicy to say.



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When you're the odd one out but still want to feel useful.

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MELANCHOLY MASTURBATION

david
Back in 2021, a study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that many people turn to masturbation not just for physical pleasure, but as a form of emotional self-care. Some participants said they did it to calm their anxiety, feel less alone, or reconnect with themselves during times of stress, sadness, or isolation. It’s not always about pleasure—it can also be about comfort and emotional regulation.

Melancholy masturbation. Self-love to lift the mood.



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Being the director of Human Resources isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Way too much pressure. Giving bad news, dealing with raise requests, filling vacant positions, climbing the corporate ladder…

Full scene

Starring Rachel RoXXX and Skyla Novea. Here are some links if you want to check out more of their scenes:

Videos of Rachel RoXXX

Videos of Skyla Novea




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THE PURITY GURUS

faisan, david
They say that if you jerk off:

• You lose strength.
• You lose confidence.
• You lose self-control.
• You can’t focus.
• You don’t succeed.
• You don’t get laid.
• You don’t sleep.
• You don’t hustle.
• Your toast burns.
• The milk boils over in the microwave.
• Your grandma cries and doesn’t even know why.

And it’s all because of jerking off.

According to some testosterone gurus, masturbation is basically a betrayal of your destiny to be great. Every time you touch yourself, Elon Musk gets richer and you get poorer. Every solo orgasm is a step further from success.
And there you are, staring at your hand, thinking all you were doing was releasing some tension, sleeping better, and avoiding the shame of sending voice notes to your ex or your crush. But nope, turns out you’re ruining your life.

Luckily, science has been saying the opposite for years: that jerking off reduces stress, helps you sleep, makes you more aware of your body, and doesn’t turn you into a weakling—it just makes you more chill and functional. But of course, that doesn’t sell self-help books or “Alpha Male 7.0” courses.

So yeah, if one day your milk overflows in the microwave, don’t blame it on jerking off. Blame it on not watching the damn thing.



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Pouty lips.

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SHOW OFF AN ELEGANT, SPARKLY, AND SOPHISTICATED BOOTY

Instead of getting anal bleaching and dropping serious cash just to end up itchy, irritated, and uncomfortable in some cold clinic, why not go straight for glamour? Treat yourself to a gorgeous butt plug decorated with a gemstone (or at least something that looks like one), and show off an elegant, sparkly, and sophisticated booty.

Forget the pain and embrace the pleasure: while you enjoy the delightful sensations this intimate jewel offers, your partner gets to admire a true work of art. After all, nobody ever said luxury couldn't be enjoyed from behind.

So, now you know: less bleaching, more shining. ✨



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Youth these days!

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PRIVATE LESSONS

We’re not sure if this guy is really smart or just completely hopeless. He just can't seem to grasp the lesson. Things got so bad that his dad decided to take action and hired a private tutor to help him finally boost those grades.

This tutor definitely knows her stuff—and she knows exactly how to handle a young guy with raging hormones. Today’s subject is anatomy, and this lesson, for once, is going to stick. Marian Franco makes sure he learns exactly where everything is, turning up the heat in the room.

In this case, the lesson isn’t just imprinted in the student's memory—it's also captured on one of the cameras installed to monitor if he’s actually studying. An intense encounter you can watch right here



If you're interested in seeing more of Marian Franco, her content is available on Loverfans, alongside plenty of other hot women ready to teach you whatever you need to know.




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Road Trip.

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