THEY ARE ALREADY HERE

A former Air Force intelligence officer, a retired Navy major and a former Navy pilot have testified at the House Oversight Committee's national security subcommittee on Capitol Hill, revealing that the US government has biological remains of UFOs and aliens. And I wonder, how is it possible that we are not all running and screaming like headless chickens?

Luckily we have an army of women prepared to face them or receive them peacefully. Whatever the Senators decide.

➡️ Let's do real, be real with Tantaly, the sex doll torso leader

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Kamasutra Advanced Level.

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STARTING THE WEEK

walter, david
Yeah, it’s Monday again. But no worries — we’ve already got everything fired up and ready to go.
This week’s looking just like we like it: full of rhythm, curves, and good vibes. So sit back and relax — we’ve got the content covered.
The hardest part is getting started… after that, it’s all downhill.



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This is why they tell you to slide lying down.

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SPRING GETS DR. SENSUAL ALL WORKED UP

Spring is here—though the rain won’t let up and the sun’s been hiding through these gloomy March days. Still, this season brings a little joy: temps are rising, clothes are shrinking, and our bodies? Well, they’re asking for action. Hormones go wild this time of year.

And if there’s something worth celebrating, Loverfans knows it. For a limited time, you’ll get a 30% bonus on every subscription you generate. Thousands of women are waiting, including Dr. Sensualherself—a stunning MILF who’ll keep your blood pressure under control… or maybe make it skyrocket.





From insatiable MILFs to playful girls in their twenties ready to help you reach your happy place—this spring, take a little stroll through Loverfans and see everything they’ve got in store for you.




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Generously rub the goose's neck 🪿

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THE FIRST WIRELESS VIBRATORS

david
While electric vibrators had existed since the late 19th century, for decades, they were large, noisy, and required a power outlet, making them anything but discreet or convenient. That all changed in the 1960s with advancements in rechargeable battery technology and portable devices. This innovation led to the first wireless vibrators, eliminating the need for cords and making them far more practical and accessible. Since then, the technology has continued to evolve. Today, vibrators feature ergonomic designs, whisper-quiet motors, and even app connectivity for personalized experiences. But it all started with that first wireless model, marking the beginning of a new era in female sexuality.



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Before | After

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MONDAY AT ALRNCN

javi, walter, david
Back to square one, but this time with more drive than excuses. Today’s not about being first—it’s about not standing still. Doesn’t matter if the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet or your body’s still beefing with your bed—Monday doesn’t knock, it kicks the damn door in and drops a whole week on your lap.

So no drama. No excuses. Chin up and fire up the engines. If Friday was a breeze, Monday can be your boost. The jolt. The kick you needed to finally stop putting things off. Let’s f*cking go already.

And yeah, it’s rough. I know. But you’ve gotta get moving. You’ve got more fuel than doubt and way more strength than you give yourself credit for. Come on! You’re wasting time—hit that damn START button already, it’s not gonna push itself.



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What flag is this?

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THE GREATEST INVENTIONS: SUCTION CUPS

david
Can you imagine the face of the man who invented the suction cup, now realizing how people attach them to rubber cocks for women to masturbate? Do you think he would be upset or perhaps proud?



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Drink, drink, drink!

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THE MIRROR IS A DAMN LIAR

luzos, oscar, walter, david
The classic Snow White tale revolves around a magic mirror that always tells the truth about who's the fairest of them all. But now, with the new version starring Rachel Zegler as Snow White and Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen, everything goes straight to hell. Why? Because the mirror dares to claim Rachel is hotter than Gal—which literally no one believes. If there's one thing all guys worldwide agree on, it's that Gal Gadot is easily a thousand times sexier than Rachel Zegler.



So, how the hell does this happen? Here’s where the supposed philosophical symbolism kicks in: the mirror doesn't just measure physical beauty; it also values purity, goodness, and inner beauty. According to that logic, Rachel comes out ahead because she's supposedly got something Gal Gadot lacks in the film: a nobler, less envy-corrupted soul.

Bullshit! If Rachel Zegler has proven anything in recent months, it’s precisely how toxic, arrogant, and poisoned by cheap feminism her soul really is—oozing pretentiousness and superiority from every pore of her body.

The ideological trainwreck Disney has become in recent years finally hit rock bottom by casting someone like her to reboot one of the iconic stories from our childhood.

Therefore, I'm officially revoking all magical powers from that mirror, demoting it on behalf of the patriarchy, and hereby relegating its sole purpose to reflecting and holding suction cups.



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¡Que te jodan, Mickey Mouse!

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