WELCOME TO THE TRUE PARADISE

ba5anta
Religions have sold us Paradise in many different ways, and the truth is that all those Paradises seem quite boring. The only one that looks fun is the Jannah of Islam religion, but hey, they also say that the maidens who wait for you there will always remain virgins. Imagine spending the eternity listening to their complaints and nonsense, what a "paradise".
The only Paradise that looks promising is the Paradise of ALRNCN. Listen to me. Become part of ALRNCN.

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL323

Back in the Renaissance, some doctors already understood what we now consider basic common sense: if unrequited love is driving you mad, maybe what you need isn’t poetry — it’s a good old-fashioned wank.

They called it “amorous melancholy,” and it was basically a kind of depression triggered by pent-up desire. And yes, some physicians actually recommended releasing the tension as a way to avoid going off the rails. Ejaculating as therapy. Literally. They didn’t say it that bluntly, but between the lines, what they were prescribing was sex — and then moving on with your life.

Guided by the theory of humors (from Hippocrates and Galen), they believed imbalances in bodily fluids like bile, blood, or even semen could mess with both your physical and mental health.

• Girolamo Mercuriale (1530–1606)an Italian physician and author of De Morbis Cutaneis and De Morbo Gallico, didn’t talk about masturbation directly, but he did suggest that prolonged sexual abstinence could cause illness — and that sex (or a release) could be therapeutic.
• André Du Laurens (1558–1609), a French doctor, openly discussed amorous melancholy in his work Discours de la conservation de la vue… and recommended sex or ejaculation to restore emotional balance.
• Juan Huarte de San Juan (1529–1588), a Spanish physician and author of Examen de Ingenios, connected unsatisfied sexual desire with mental and emotional instability. He didn’t mention masturbation explicitly either, but made it clear that release was necessary for emotional stability — especially in those with an excess of “heat” or desire.

So yes, masturbation was seen as a way to treat romantic despair in the Renaissance. The idea of jerking off so you don’t lose your mind over heartbreak? It’s right there in the old medical texts.

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In team sports, communication is everything.

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL324

Back in 1994, Dr. Joycelyn Elders—an American physician and sexologist who became the first African American woman to serve as U.S. Surgeon General—sparked major controversy by suggesting that masturbation is a natural part of human sexuality and should be mentioned in sex education for young people.
Her comments stirred up a national debate and eventually led to her being forced out of her position by President Bill Clinton.

That incident shows how, even just 30 years ago, masturbation was still a taboo subject for a lot of people—and how attitudes toward it could shape public policy and education.

Has anything changed since then? I'd say hell yes.

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I'm just tired.






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THE MIRROR IS A DAMN LIAR

luzos, oscar, walter, david
The classic Snow White tale revolves around a magic mirror that always tells the truth about who's the fairest of them all. But now, with the new version starring Rachel Zegler as Snow White and Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen, everything goes straight to hell. Why? Because the mirror dares to claim Rachel is hotter than Gal—which literally no one believes. If there's one thing all guys worldwide agree on, it's that Gal Gadot is easily a thousand times sexier than Rachel Zegler.



So, how the hell does this happen? Here’s where the supposed philosophical symbolism kicks in: the mirror doesn't just measure physical beauty; it also values purity, goodness, and inner beauty. According to that logic, Rachel comes out ahead because she's supposedly got something Gal Gadot lacks in the film: a nobler, less envy-corrupted soul.

Bullshit! If Rachel Zegler has proven anything in recent months, it’s precisely how toxic, arrogant, and poisoned by cheap feminism her soul really is—oozing pretentiousness and superiority from every pore of her body.

The ideological trainwreck Disney has become in recent years finally hit rock bottom by casting someone like her to reboot one of the iconic stories from our childhood.

Therefore, I'm officially revoking all magical powers from that mirror, demoting it on behalf of the patriarchy, and hereby relegating its sole purpose to reflecting and holding suction cups.



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¡Que te jodan, Mickey Mouse!

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL321

oscar, david
Back in 2009, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that female masturbation could actually help relieve headaches.
What’s interesting is that many women in the study didn’t avoid sex or masturbation when they had migraines—they actively sought out orgasm to ease the pain. Turns out, the endorphins released during climax work as natural painkillers.

So next time you hear the classic “not tonight, I’ve got a headache,” remember—it might actually be the perfect reason to go for it. And if anyone asks, just say you read it on ALRNCN.

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Craving summer already!

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ENGINES READY, ATTITUDE SET

luzos, walter, david
We’re firing up the engines to start the week at full throttle. We all know Mondays can feel heavier, but it's time to suck it up, get motivated, and push through—otherwise, the week turns into an uphill battle.
So come on, shake off that sleep, because the sooner we get moving, the sooner Friday will roll around again.



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- Today I dreamed someone tried to steal my phone.
- So, what happened?
- No idea. It was all super weird.

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STUDY BOOST

david
A 2022 study from the University of Göttingen (Germany) found that masturbation can actually improve memory retention and learning. How? Turns out orgasms activate several areas of the brain — including the hippocampus, which is directly linked to memory and information processing.

The theory is that during masturbation, the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin creates the perfect chemical environment to lock in knowledge and boost learning.
Basically, a good wank might do more for your grades than forcing yourself to study with a fried brain.



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Girl, cover yourself! You’re about to flash the whole world.

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