MASTURBATION IS FOR THE SMART

vicos, walter, david
In 1992, a study known as The National Health and Social Life Survey revealed that masturbation is more common among people with university degrees and higher levels of education. This study found that, in general, people with higher education not only masturbated more but also had a more open attitude toward the subject. This suggests that, in some cases, education may be linked to greater acceptance of sexuality and personal sexual well-being.

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Coffee and sex. That’s how we start the day at ALRNCN.

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MONDAY AT ALRNCN

javi, walter, david
Back to square one, but this time with more drive than excuses. Today’s not about being first—it’s about not standing still. Doesn’t matter if the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet or your body’s still beefing with your bed—Monday doesn’t knock, it kicks the damn door in and drops a whole week on your lap.

So no drama. No excuses. Chin up and fire up the engines. If Friday was a breeze, Monday can be your boost. The jolt. The kick you needed to finally stop putting things off. Let’s f*cking go already.

And yeah, it’s rough. I know. But you’ve gotta get moving. You’ve got more fuel than doubt and way more strength than you give yourself credit for. Come on! You’re wasting time—hit that damn START button already, it’s not gonna push itself.



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What flag is this?

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THE PURITY GURUS

faisan, david
They say that if you jerk off:

• You lose strength.
• You lose confidence.
• You lose self-control.
• You can’t focus.
• You don’t succeed.
• You don’t get laid.
• You don’t sleep.
• You don’t hustle.
• Your toast burns.
• The milk boils over in the microwave.
• Your grandma cries and doesn’t even know why.

And it’s all because of jerking off.

According to some testosterone gurus, masturbation is basically a betrayal of your destiny to be great. Every time you touch yourself, Elon Musk gets richer and you get poorer. Every solo orgasm is a step further from success.
And there you are, staring at your hand, thinking all you were doing was releasing some tension, sleeping better, and avoiding the shame of sending voice notes to your ex or your crush. But nope, turns out you’re ruining your life.

Luckily, science has been saying the opposite for years: that jerking off reduces stress, helps you sleep, makes you more aware of your body, and doesn’t turn you into a weakling—it just makes you more chill and functional. But of course, that doesn’t sell self-help books or “Alpha Male 7.0” courses.

So yeah, if one day your milk overflows in the microwave, don’t blame it on jerking off. Blame it on not watching the damn thing.



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Pouty lips.

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL322

oscar, david
A recent study published in Sexes makes it clear: women who masturbate frequently not only reach orgasm more easily, but also enjoy sex more overall. The reason is simple — practice makes perfect.

Masturbation isn’t just about having a good time; it’s a powerful tool for self-awareness. Knowing what you like and how you like it makes a huge difference when you're with someone else. If you don’t know how to push your own buttons, how do you expect someone else to find them?
Plus, taking the time to explore your body without pressure or expectations helps break down mental blocks and builds sexual confidence — which makes orgasms way more accessible.

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That logo change? Totally necessary if you ask me.






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STARTING THE WEEK

walter, david
Yeah, it’s Monday again. But no worries — we’ve already got everything fired up and ready to go.
This week’s looking just like we like it: full of rhythm, curves, and good vibes. So sit back and relax — we’ve got the content covered.
The hardest part is getting started… after that, it’s all downhill.



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This is why they tell you to slide lying down.

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL323

Back in the Renaissance, some doctors already understood what we now consider basic common sense: if unrequited love is driving you mad, maybe what you need isn’t poetry — it’s a good old-fashioned wank.

They called it “amorous melancholy,” and it was basically a kind of depression triggered by pent-up desire. And yes, some physicians actually recommended releasing the tension as a way to avoid going off the rails. Ejaculating as therapy. Literally. They didn’t say it that bluntly, but between the lines, what they were prescribing was sex — and then moving on with your life.

Guided by the theory of humors (from Hippocrates and Galen), they believed imbalances in bodily fluids like bile, blood, or even semen could mess with both your physical and mental health.

• Girolamo Mercuriale (1530–1606)an Italian physician and author of De Morbis Cutaneis and De Morbo Gallico, didn’t talk about masturbation directly, but he did suggest that prolonged sexual abstinence could cause illness — and that sex (or a release) could be therapeutic.
• André Du Laurens (1558–1609), a French doctor, openly discussed amorous melancholy in his work Discours de la conservation de la vue… and recommended sex or ejaculation to restore emotional balance.
• Juan Huarte de San Juan (1529–1588), a Spanish physician and author of Examen de Ingenios, connected unsatisfied sexual desire with mental and emotional instability. He didn’t mention masturbation explicitly either, but made it clear that release was necessary for emotional stability — especially in those with an excess of “heat” or desire.

So yes, masturbation was seen as a way to treat romantic despair in the Renaissance. The idea of jerking off so you don’t lose your mind over heartbreak? It’s right there in the old medical texts.

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In team sports, communication is everything.

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SHOW OFF AN ELEGANT, SPARKLY, AND SOPHISTICATED BOOTY

Instead of getting anal bleaching and dropping serious cash just to end up itchy, irritated, and uncomfortable in some cold clinic, why not go straight for glamour? Treat yourself to a gorgeous butt plug decorated with a gemstone (or at least something that looks like one), and show off an elegant, sparkly, and sophisticated booty.

Forget the pain and embrace the pleasure: while you enjoy the delightful sensations this intimate jewel offers, your partner gets to admire a true work of art. After all, nobody ever said luxury couldn't be enjoyed from behind.

So, now you know: less bleaching, more shining. ✨



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Youth these days!

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