MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL327

Being a hottie isn’t just about looks. It’s about how you carry yourself, how you deal with life, how you own your shit and still make it look good. That’s why masturbating is for hotties. Always has been.

➡️ Let's do real, be real with Tantaly, the sex doll torso leader

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Deciding turns with rock, paper, scissors. Only in Japan.

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL320

david
Friday’s finally here, bringing with it that unbeatable feeling that you've conquered another week. It doesn’t matter if the past few days were rough or if work threw a mountain of problems your way—when Friday rolls around, life instantly tastes sweeter. It's officially time to stash your responsibilities in a drawer and bring out the most carefree version of yourself.
Friday arrives to remind you that you deserve those cold beers after work, a spontaneous getaway, or simply doing absolutely nothing beyond collapsing on the couch.

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The dog just can't take its eyes off her.

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MELANCHOLY MASTURBATION

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Back in 2021, a study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that many people turn to masturbation not just for physical pleasure, but as a form of emotional self-care. Some participants said they did it to calm their anxiety, feel less alone, or reconnect with themselves during times of stress, sadness, or isolation. It’s not always about pleasure—it can also be about comfort and emotional regulation.

Melancholy masturbation. Self-love to lift the mood.



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Being the director of Human Resources isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Way too much pressure. Giving bad news, dealing with raise requests, filling vacant positions, climbing the corporate ladder…

Full scene

Starring Rachel RoXXX and Skyla Novea. Here are some links if you want to check out more of their scenes:

Videos of Rachel RoXXX

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THE MIRROR IS A DAMN LIAR

luzos, oscar, walter, david
The classic Snow White tale revolves around a magic mirror that always tells the truth about who's the fairest of them all. But now, with the new version starring Rachel Zegler as Snow White and Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen, everything goes straight to hell. Why? Because the mirror dares to claim Rachel is hotter than Gal—which literally no one believes. If there's one thing all guys worldwide agree on, it's that Gal Gadot is easily a thousand times sexier than Rachel Zegler.



So, how the hell does this happen? Here’s where the supposed philosophical symbolism kicks in: the mirror doesn't just measure physical beauty; it also values purity, goodness, and inner beauty. According to that logic, Rachel comes out ahead because she's supposedly got something Gal Gadot lacks in the film: a nobler, less envy-corrupted soul.

Bullshit! If Rachel Zegler has proven anything in recent months, it’s precisely how toxic, arrogant, and poisoned by cheap feminism her soul really is—oozing pretentiousness and superiority from every pore of her body.

The ideological trainwreck Disney has become in recent years finally hit rock bottom by casting someone like her to reboot one of the iconic stories from our childhood.

Therefore, I'm officially revoking all magical powers from that mirror, demoting it on behalf of the patriarchy, and hereby relegating its sole purpose to reflecting and holding suction cups.



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¡Que te jodan, Mickey Mouse!

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL321

oscar, david
Back in 2009, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that female masturbation could actually help relieve headaches.
What’s interesting is that many women in the study didn’t avoid sex or masturbation when they had migraines—they actively sought out orgasm to ease the pain. Turns out, the endorphins released during climax work as natural painkillers.

So next time you hear the classic “not tonight, I’ve got a headache,” remember—it might actually be the perfect reason to go for it. And if anyone asks, just say you read it on ALRNCN.

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Craving summer already!

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL323

Back in the Renaissance, some doctors already understood what we now consider basic common sense: if unrequited love is driving you mad, maybe what you need isn’t poetry — it’s a good old-fashioned wank.

They called it “amorous melancholy,” and it was basically a kind of depression triggered by pent-up desire. And yes, some physicians actually recommended releasing the tension as a way to avoid going off the rails. Ejaculating as therapy. Literally. They didn’t say it that bluntly, but between the lines, what they were prescribing was sex — and then moving on with your life.

Guided by the theory of humors (from Hippocrates and Galen), they believed imbalances in bodily fluids like bile, blood, or even semen could mess with both your physical and mental health.

• Girolamo Mercuriale (1530–1606)an Italian physician and author of De Morbis Cutaneis and De Morbo Gallico, didn’t talk about masturbation directly, but he did suggest that prolonged sexual abstinence could cause illness — and that sex (or a release) could be therapeutic.
• André Du Laurens (1558–1609), a French doctor, openly discussed amorous melancholy in his work Discours de la conservation de la vue… and recommended sex or ejaculation to restore emotional balance.
• Juan Huarte de San Juan (1529–1588), a Spanish physician and author of Examen de Ingenios, connected unsatisfied sexual desire with mental and emotional instability. He didn’t mention masturbation explicitly either, but made it clear that release was necessary for emotional stability — especially in those with an excess of “heat” or desire.

So yes, masturbation was seen as a way to treat romantic despair in the Renaissance. The idea of jerking off so you don’t lose your mind over heartbreak? It’s right there in the old medical texts.

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In team sports, communication is everything.

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MORE BENEFITS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT

cesar, eas, javi, lucas, oscar, david
A 1994 study by the National Institutes of Health suggested that frequent ejaculation in men could be linked to a reduced risk of developing kidney stones.

The reasoning behind this theory is quite interesting: ejaculation helps flush out certain toxins and minerals that accumulate in the prostate and urinary tract. Some of these minerals are the same ones that, when crystallized, can lead to the dreaded kidney stones. In other words, maintaining an active sex life—including masturbation—could help prevent the buildup of these substances, reducing the chances of kidney stones forming.

While this doesn’t mean masturbation is a magic cure for kidney stones, it could be another piece of the puzzle for a healthy lifestyle. Paired with good hydration and a balanced diet, it might be a natural—and far more enjoyable—preventive strategy compared to other medical recommendations.



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See ya!

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